Alain Guillot

Life, Leadership, and Money Matters

Friendship, man with man

I don’t have any close male friends. Do you?

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I have a few women I talk with on a regular basis. My ex-wife, two of my cousins, my mother, my french teacher, and one female friend. But I don’t have any close male friends.

I don’t know how to talk to other guys. Sure, I can make lots of small talks (especially about the stock market), but I don’t recall ever calling a male friend and saying: Hey, I am sad, or I am happy, or I feel lonely, can we chat?

I know that I am not unique. I know that 3/4 of men only receive emotional support from their wives or girlfriends. They, like me, don’t know how to approach other male friends and have a heart-to-heart conversation.

We men are the main culprit of our lack of male relationships. We don’t work for it. We don’t make the effort of calling another male friend and saying “Hey, let’s meet for coffee.” “Let’s have a beer together.” On the other hand, women very often get together to talk about their lives and emotions.

Also, our obsession with money drives us to work longer hours. working on that project or the other, without realizing that we are selling our lives short by working more. When we talk to other men, we let our egos slip through our friendly demeanor and we want to imply that we are doing good, that we are earning good money, and that everything is good in our lives.

Social media and the internet deserve some (or a lot) of blame. I remember, on more than one occasion, leaving a get-together with friends to write something on my blog. Blogging had become a discipline and to my shame at times, the virtual world had a bigger pull on me than my in-person friends. Many people spend hours increasing their virtual reach, to the detriment of their in-person lives.

My mother and other members of my family, find a sense of purpose and community by going to the church. I don’t like the church. Ever since I was a little kid I hated going to church. To my misfortune, I missed out on the sense of community created by organized religions.

Every year, religious institutions are becoming less important in people’s lives. Sensus reports in the U.S. and Canada, continuously show the decline of attendance in religious organizations. Of course, this represents the loss, for men and women, of one more venue to find companionship and friendships.

In short, I wish I had more male friendships. I think I am missing a lot in life.

One of my goals for 2022 is to find more male friends.

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