When I was a little boy, I used to fight a lot. When I was 14 years old, I was a bully (yes, I am ashamed of it). The one instance I regret the most is when I harassed a boy who was very insecure about himself. Today, those thoughts weigh heavy in my mind and heart and I haven’t yet forgiven myself. I wish I could find that boy and ask him for forgiveness. I feel that I have to pay back a lot to society, and to oppressed groups before I forgive myself.

When I was a young adult, I was unfaithful to my girlfriends. They trusted me and I didn’t deserve that trust. I cheated on them. Today, I wish I could take it back.

I decided to make up for it by being respectful of women, of minorities, of people with different sexual orientations, by being a loyal friend, by being compassionate, by being an example and a guide to others.

I am still not the person who I would like to be, but every day I make a little bit of an effort and I feel that every day I am getting closer.

Today, we have with us, Eldra Jackson. He will share with us how to break the cycle of toxic masculinity.

Eldra Jackson III is co-Executive Director, Inside Circle; The Trium Group strategic partner; TedTalk Speaker; Frequent Keynote Speaker; Leadership Coach; Facilitator

Eldra Jackson had a decease called “toxic masculinity.” So much that he spent 24 years in prison for kidnapping, robbery, and attempted murder. Today helps convicts get reintegrated back into society.

To get out of the cycle of toxic masculinity we have to:

1. Change our belief system. To realize how our actions negatively affect not only ourselves but also the people around us.
2. Be vulnerable with people, who support us and will hold us accountable.

At 7 years old Eldra was sexually molested. It was at that time that a set of beliefs developed.

• He decided that instead of being a victim, he would be the victimizer.
• Loving put him harm’s way
• Caring about another person made him weak.

To get out of that hurt, Eldra

• Acknowledged that he was sexually molested
• And the forgave. First, he forgave himself, and then he forgave the person who had molested him.

Other notes:

• Eldra was parole in June 2014
• Being a man is not a machismo character.
• We have to end the cycle of emotional illiteracy that allows males to victimize others as well as themselves

Eldra’s TED talk

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